Something that I have learned thus far, is that you can’t push yourself through healing; you just can’t. There have been times in my life when I either overestimated my ability to heal and bounce back, or I completely underestimated it. Sometimes I pushed myself too hard. Sometimes I didn’t push myself enough. Sometimes I couldn’t face it. Sometimes I didn’t give credence to the fact that the healing actually needed to take place. And it’s weird…when you think that you are over something…whatever that may be, but you really aren’t. And if you push yourself to heal from something and you push yourself to recover…if it’s too fast and it’s not the right time, then you can end up being more fucked up then you were to begin with. And what good is that!? A great lesson for me, on my journey has been to stand in faith and to trust the process; that even if I don’t know what the answer is, that relinquishing the control is ok…that I will be held and I will be taken care of. It may feel like you are standing in quick sand for a long, long time; I know. You may feel like why is this taking so damn long!? It may feel like the longest road you have ever taken. And it may feel like you just want to throw your hands in the air and say, “Fuck it and fuck you!” Know this…that the truth is that the only way out is through. It is the only way to healing. It is the only way to get to the other side of that pain and that hardship. Those traumas may feel like they own your soul. That addiction may feel like it stole your dignity and blunted out your life force entirely. You are stronger than you think. You will make it through. You will get to the other side. Make the commitment to face things. Make the commitment to tear apart the foundation; to gut it completely and then to repair and rebuild. Be willing to be open. Be willing to be vulnerable. And most importantly, be willing to be healed.
I am cheering you on!
Yours in love and light,